Fragile Mind

Have you ever talked ill behind someone’s back? Have you ever been a victim of some malicious issues?

In showbiz, there won’t be a day to pass without someone gossiping about someone. “She had a one night stand with *bleep*!” “OMG! Don’t she have any respect for herself?” “Did you know that *bleep bleep* is an addict?” And in the industry, gossips translate into the public as the “truth”. But you see that this happens not only in showbiz. It’s everywhere. People in turn get hurt by people hurt people hurt people hurt, if you know what I mean. And I must admit, I am guilty of it too. Those who says they don’t are complete hypocrites.

 I consider myself as an introverted person. In grade school I’m the shy type of student. I do participate in class activities and get recognized but I’m just not a sociable person. Not that I don’t have any friends, of course I do. And I feel like these are the only people who are genuinely nice and friendly to me. And then came high school. Now these is the stage that you start to see a whole lot of different types of people. I’m still the introverted one but this time I’m trying to be a bit more friendly and sociable. Gained more friends and all but there were also the sort of ‘bullies’. Not the kind of bullies that would beat you up after school or something. These guys like the psychological warfare. There’s something too obvious about what they do but discreet in a way. Kindda hard to explain though but I hope you get the point. I think it’s because I’m the quiet one that make them think that I won’t fight back. Issues circulated among the class (too personal to mention) about me that at first I’m not aware of. And then a friend told me bout all those shit they talk about me and I was like what did I ever do to them? After my graduation in high school I thought I could finally breathe well again. But it was a NO.

Now that I’m in a university, the range of people gone way too wide. It’s a good thing that the university that I’m in accept students of all sort of social level. Whether you’re filthy rich or below average student, you’re very much welcomed here. But then this is were the bigger picture starts. I’m an irregular student but most of my subjects that I’m enrolled in are in my original section. To start with, this class have this sort of an invisible line separating several different groups. I’m sure there would be some people to refuse to comment on that but that’s the way I see it. I won’t describe any group that there is because I could possibly get myself into bigger trouble. I believe that people within a group talks about one group to the other. I don’t know if it’s plain insecurity that makes them do such thing or what but I have the feeling that whatever those things they say, for sure is negative. Or maybe I feel that way because I myself is guilty of that crime too. At least I’m taking my responsiblity of saying this things you know.

Just recently I’ve read some “grafittis” in school (you know how students can’t contain their “creativity” in papers) that say stuff bout me. Making jokes out of me about the “me being gay” issue. I’m not a 100% sure that it is me the writing was talking about but it is quite obvious that in one way or another it is about me (though they mispelled my name). And I was like who the f**k are these people? I’ll take it as a bad karma but hey do you have to write it there? Ouch! Did it hurt me bad?! Whether the issue is true or not, it’s none of their damn f**kin business. Excuse my terms but I’m just hurt. Am not confirming nor do I deny whether or not I am what they think I am, but I think everyone’s have the right to be respected. If I am like that so be it and deal with it because I’m not going any where. I dare say this now “eat my dust homophobes!”   

(…I have some suspicions but I won’t point a finger to anyone…) 

RESPECT